'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
