i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
