remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
