she was so not down for the gang bang
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
