Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
