I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
