The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
