508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
