LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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