What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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