At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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