Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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