Slut skills are useful in every country.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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