I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
