he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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