i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
