The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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