I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
