Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
