I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
