**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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