I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
