I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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