I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
