How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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