You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
