Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
