I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
