Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
