it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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