who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
