Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
