Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
