I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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