he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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