I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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