Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
