Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
