we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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