yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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