Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
