i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
