A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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