All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
