too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh god it's open bar.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm having to shit out rocks
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
