Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
