if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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