You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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