You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im part way to drunk.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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