This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
